Her. Hatred.

I despised her at first. Something about her actions seemed calculated and not so candid - intended to appear delicate, refined, and cultured - although she is not exactly so. She can’t stand vulgar remarks, always fishing for flattering ones instead - incessantly lusting after compliments and admiration. She would never willingly hurt someone, though, because she herself has been wounded at heart, because a deliberate act of cruelty on her part in telling him that he disgusts her resulted in his suicide. Feelings of empathy for her might be rather difficult on my part, but I am somewhat sympathetic for the tragedies she experienced early on in her life. I find it ridiculous, however, that she turns away from reality altogether for this reason. She turned away from reality - turned to alcohol, turned to sex - in order to escape the ugliness and brutality of life. Sex takes her from forlornness to contentment faster than any other remedy there could possibly be. One not necessarily wild, nor amazing, nor life-changing and yet that's all it takes. She may be an addict - craving that lingering sensation so full of endorphins, that warm, safe feeling you get from simply being held - being "loved" people call it. The irony. She is so weak. It annoys me. She shouldn’t have let go of her life like that, giving herself to men out of guilt of what happened to him and out of loneliness too. I don’t like how she’s constantly trying to retain her innocence and purity by playing the role of the ideal type of person she would like to be. This is one of the reasons why the people in her life have a problem with her. She lies and attempts to be someone she’s not instead of being open and honest. Most people with their minds rightfully cast in the real world breathe the ugly truths of life, coping with them against their will. She does not want to see these things and, instead, wants them all covered up with the beauty of imagination and illusion. She hates the glaring, open light bulb for this reason. She wants to live in a dimmed world, where only the good is lit. I disapprove of her false world, but I  think I would really, really hate any man so cruelly and brutally crushing her little delicate world. I am myself a "she" after all.