What are you studying?

“What are you studying?” 

“Hi, 

what’s your name?” 

what year are you?”

what are you studying?” 

Default questions literally asked by EVERY. SINGLE. PERSON. on campus 

But only two questions can be answered immediately. 

The last question? Yup, that’s the tricky one. 

I say “business” just to make things easier. 

With this response, people would nod approvingly, not questioning anything. 

-or so I thought.

“Oh cool, what made you interested in that major?”

Shoot. I don’t know. Buying and selling limited edition sneakers on StockX? 

Wait… do I even know what I want to major in?

This is where I feel a sudden rush of panic coming my way.

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Starting my Freshman year at UC Berkeley, I’ve already witnessed so many different people with varying interests and talents. I have seen a violin player going to medical mission trip in Thailand, a football player writing complex numbers in Java, and an international student dabble in cystic fibrosis research. These people have already helped me broaden my horizons and fantasize about myself playing a few diverse roles, yet play them well.

My brain is a tangle of variance and discord. As I sit crouched over my laptop, my screen is always in a split-view. What my roommate sees, as a freshman procrastinating behind a glowing screen, is actually me trying to watch a documentary on economic deprivation while learning about omnibus chord progression in Tchaikovsky’s Violin Concerto (2nd Movement)¹. 

Yes, I’ll have to discover the right focus, sooner or later. My goal is to conduct my cacophonous brain into a melodious symphony one day. But first, let me find out what I love. My discordant brain will have years of internal debates over my passions. I’ll be confused and frustrated, uncertain of whether I truly love what I’m doing, nervous about whether I can be committed to it for a long time. But a bit of hesitation and self-doubt is perfectly fine; it’s part of the process. When I discover what I really want to study, I’ll know.

If I can choose to be a wonder of the world, I’d definitely choose to be the Great Pyramid of Giza. Starting broad, before honing my skills to a point, pretty sure Maslow² would’ve approved. 

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1. Tchaikovsky’s Violin Concerto 2nd Movement is a piece that embodies the composer’s misery and his experience of depression throughout his life. The ‘Andante’, is filled with light and shade that symbolizes dark and hope- depicting the peaks and valleys of his life.

2. The cover photo displays Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs pyramid.