Toxic Parenting - Finding the Right Dose

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Toxic Parenting - Finding the Right Dose

by Lauren Kim

The time old phrase, “too much of anything is bad”, does not provide an exception for parenting. The phrase “helicopter parent” has become increasingly prevalent in our everyday language. Helicopter parents are so named because they hover over their children to tend to their needs, whether or not that help is needed. As a result, the question that naturally comes to mind is whether or not over-parenting serves to be a detrimental factor in the lives of our children today.

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There exists a common notion based on multiple studies that have been conducted throughout the years that parental involvement in children’s lives leads to a more prosperous and thriving future for kids. That is, involved parents aid in encouraging the motivation in children when performing and participating in activities. So, what’s the big deal? Based on these studies and societal norms, aren’t loving parents supposed to intervene in their child’s life? Well yes, but what’s crucial to take note of is that parents should only get involved on occasion. It is astounding how rapidly “caring” transforms to “expectations” and ultimately leads to a certain “lifestyle”.

 

People learn by experiencing, and when growing up there are certain skills to learn and obtain, such as developing a sense of self that is confident and autonomous. If children are prevented from experiencing certain obstacles how are they going to deal with these similar circumstances when they are older? This question can be answered in a single word: inadequately. Just because parents rescue their child from having to go through a particular challenge it does not mean that their child will be forever exempt from that experience, they will only be delayed. Incessant intervention in a child’s life ultimately only leads to diminishing the fortitude and growth of that child.

 

However, the fact of the matter is one of the most difficult challenges of parenting is staying back and letting their children make these mistakes. It is really a matter of parents choosing between tending to short-term outcomes or long-term results. In the long run it is much more beneficial for children to make the mistake and learn to get back on their feet. Nevertheless, it is the tendency of most parents to put out that immediate fire for they are unable to overcome their anxiety of the fear that every mistake will end up ruining their child’s life.

 

The commonality of helicopter parents has come to a point where it is extremely easy to see them in action in our daily lives. Some instances of the involvement of these helicopter parents include selecting classes for their children, intervening in friendship conflicts, contacting professors about grades, doing laundry for college students on a weekly basis, and the list goes on. In consequence, there are various outcomes from the overbearing of “helicopter parents”. One critical issue that is emerging is the rise in the number of “boomerang children” (huffingtonpost.com). “Boomerang children” refer to young adults who return to live with their parents after college most often for financial reasons (Miriam-Webster). With the slowing economy many young adults go back home to live with their parents. This pattern results because the place “home” has been ingrained in the minds of these young adults as a place they can always turn to for support. Nonetheless, despite the parents accepting their children with open arms, the financial implications of these “boomerang children” are great for the parents struggle to maintain their own finances on top of trying to support their children’s.

 

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The micromanaging of “helicopter parents” poses a threat to not only the lives of their immediate children, but also to the society as a whole. Many children with “helicopter parents” continue to seek direction and aid from their parents even when they grow up to be adults. It is destructing to the social dynamics because increasingly more people have a difficult time creating healthy families that are independent from their “helicopter parents” when they get married. Subsequently, society is constructed with people who put forth unreliable responsibilities, leading to an unstable structure. Therefore, it is of utmost importance to recognize that backing off does not make one an indifferent parent. Nor does it mean that a parent is abandoning their child. But rather, it means providing children with the opportunity to contribute in constructing a strong generation that does not lack independence and resilience.